I want to go home, but where is home?
Whenever we fight
things that we
what movies to watch,
will it be scary or cheesy
what food to eat later
chicken or chinese;
superman or batman;
what songs to listen,
rock or mellow;
who takes better pictures,
you or me;
who writes better,
King or Sheldon;
—we made it work.
we watched a cheesy scary film,
we ate a chinese-style-chicken,
Superman is much stronger but
Batman is tactical,
we made a playlist which we named
rocky road and marshmellow 2014,
King is more creative but Sheldon
tells story much better.
Whenever we fight
because of our
you being so calm
me being too passionate,
or you being too soft spoken
and me being too strong willed,
or like you being too naive
and me being to skeptical
or like you being too innocent
and me being too sarcastic,
or like you having no sense of
humor and me being, well, funny
or like you being too emotional
and me being too insensitive
—we made it happen.
You calmed me when I’m being
I speak on your behalf when
there’s something that you
you give everyone the benefit
of the doubt and I checked in
just to make sure,
you always fell for my
sarcastic trap but still
laugh it off the same way
you always laugh at my jokes
and me being silent at yours
and you always reminding me
that we all have feelings,
even me, that I’d have
and for that, I don’t know
how to thank you, my dear.
We might fight about a
lot of things,
but you see,
those are our bonds—
what keeps us together,
what keeps us strong,
what keeps us, us.
- the last day on earth — kate miller-heidke
- love of my life — queen
- myth — beach house
- set me on fire — bella ferraro
- 1901 — birdy
- i’ll never forget you — birdy
- skinny love — bon iver
- try to remember — the brothers four
- safe and sound — capital cities
- quelqu’un m’a dit — carla bruni
- arms — christina perri
- fix you — coldplay
- don’t you remember — adele
- yellow — coldplay
- dreams — the cranberries
- the blower’s daughter — damien rice
- symphonies — dan black
- still — daughter
- needle in the hay — elliot smith
- when i was a young girl — feist
- graveyard — feist
- ashes and wine — a fine frenzy
- never let me go — florence and the machine
- dog days are over — florence and the machine
- say something — a great big world
- lie to me — greg laswell
- and then you — greg laswell
- comes and goes — greg laswell
- open season — high highs
- each coming night — iron & wine
- cavalier — james vincent mcmorrow
- heartbreak warfare — john mayer
- somewhere only we know — keanne
- all i want — kodaline
- speechless — lady gaga
- gone — lianne la havas
- everything — michael bubble
- it’s over — milosh
- woke up new — the mountain goats
- don’t know why — norah jones
- according to you — orianthi
- it’s too late — otis redding
- st. clarity — the paper kites
- nothing like you and i — the perishers
- trying to be cool — phoenix
- i don’t have time to be in love — priscilla ahn
- don’t — rachel yamagata
- elephants — rachel yamagata
- over and over — rachel yamagata
- what if i leave — rachel yamagata
- collide — rachel yamagata
- worn me down — rachel yamagata
- easy — rasclal flatts
- samson — regina spektor
- better — regina spektor
- berlin — RY X
- sad dream — sky ferreira
- there is a light that never goes out — the smiths
- your ex-lover is dead — stars
- sweet disposition — the temper trap
- swans — unkle bob
- oo — up dharma down
- just not each other — william fitzsimmons
- 그대만 있다면 — loveholic
If you could go back to any point and time and do things differently, where would you go and why would you change things?
When I was around 1 to 5 years old, I should have followed my Grandma when she asked me to stop running outside the house. Hindi siguro ako ganito kamiserable ngayon.
Favorite curse word(s)?
They’re words to me that are not supposed to be liked nor be favorited.
What do you want to do with your life?
I hate this question, haha. The truth is, I don't know. I have no idea of what I really want. That's why I'm here. That's why I'm still here. Figuring out some stuff.
— because nobody ever did.
I don’t know. I have nothing to write about, yet.
i see withering leaves in a fruitful tree
i hear unending agonies in one beautiful melody
i notice the crack in your heart when i see you smile
even the coldness in your hollows, i know you don’t feel the same.
children’s laughter don’t seem happiness
more of like echoes in a forgotten bridge
full of ghosts, swallowed by death
in a memory lost
in the one’s that is left;
and then i realized,
everything is a mirror—
i am what it reflects.
He told me he loves me and kissed another girl.
I kind of love never seeing the same person ever again.
— Emilie Autumn, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls
I hate how you always blame me for everything like I’m just another worthless piece of shit for you. I know that I am though but at least I thought you think that I’m not. I hate how I blame you for everything, too. Now, I actually think that people who are miserable and lost should not love another ever, again, because they end up destroying themselves more. It never gets better it makes me sad. I’m so frustrated about my life, what I want, what I wanted to be, my studies, my work, the world and the future; I am so frustrated that sometimes I wish, I really wish I would just disappear immediately and not come back again. My life is a mess and I tend to throw it all back to you and when I do, I feel so sorry but instead of being/saying sorry, I end up adding more fuel to the fire while I watch our hearts burn, but never getting warmer.
I hate it when don’t listen to me. I’m not even sure if you ever did listen. There’s a lot of stories I wanted to tell you, I even practice it all because they always tell me that I’m no good in talking. I thought you were different but you thought just the same. It’s okay though. Talking is not my specialty, I know. It’s really okay. I still tell you stories even though I know you think they’re all boring, stupid and incorrectly said because I want you to be the one to hear It first. But then as time goes by, as I realized that there are other people who are interested in my stories, who are interested in me actually, I felt sad. I want it to be you. I treasure those kind of people too because somehow, I felt needed. I grew up with no one ever to talk to, really. I got used to it. But then I realized that there’s stuff called expressing yourself. The first time I experienced it, it actually felt nice. I thought, I wanted more and I never want to be satisfied.
I hate it when you think money is all I ever care. I thought you might need to hear this: I started working last 2012. Now, it’s 2014 and I haven’t yet earned anything at all. My mother keeps blaming me for being with you that’s why I always said I’ve earned something already. I don’t want anyone to blame you especially just because of something called money. My mother gets angry with me because I’ve had no savings yet. Having all that pressure with money, and work and overtimes and late lunch or dinner, and the fucking future, I am sorry for hurting you when I want to make my parents happy.
I hate how you get mad at me talking to other people when it’s you who always talk to other people, and by other people I meant our friends and they should not be called others. What I’m trying to say is they are our friends. Once, I feel so small whenever you talk to them; your friends are mostly girls, right. It tears me apart; you talked to them while we were shopping or watching movies or whatever. Remember? But then I realized it was the most childish thing to feel. Your world is not just about me. We have other people in our life and it’s not just us. Do you still remember? That time when you always said these lines to me? I did my best to understand these other people things and the iamnotyourworldthing. But then now it’s you who’s complaining. Maybe because I don’t have other people back then, right? And you’re not used to it. What I meant is I have endured all of what you’re feeling now once. What I’m trying to say is I’ve been oh so there. It doesn’t feel so good and it contains a lot of confusions and doubts. But I trusted you. How can you not trust me?
I hate how you get mad at me so easily like I’ve done the biggest crime in the world when all I did was just this and that. I know these little things are very annoying, I understand that. But what haunts me all night and all day is that you can last a day or a week ignoring me or not even looking at me. It hurts the most I always almost gave up. Whenever you leave the house without even looking at me, I wanted to chase you but my knees and my voice couldn’t make it anymore. All that is left are tears. Once, I promised myself not to ever cry because of you again. I am still trying my best. Whenever you are not there, you give me endless of time to think of everything and I don’t want that. I am afraid I might do something I’d regret in the morning. I am afraid I might end something I don’t want to end. I am afraid I might get so so so cold I won’t hunger for warmth anymore. I am so afraid I’d give up something I treasure the most. I am so afraid I’d be brave enough to be alone. I am so afraid I’d leave. I am so afraid if you are not there, especially when you chose to not be here with me, especially when it’s you who left first. I am so afraid that I will not be there anymore to beg for you to smile at me again. I am so afraid that I will not care anymore. I am even more afraid that it’ll be okay with you.
And I hate it when I love you more and more each day; like a wave that always pulls me back to the ocean. I am so full of these feelings that sometimes when I look at you I can’t say anything anymore.
It's sad when we always end up destroying each other.
Oh, hi Bella! Thank you for this message! (How are you?!) Well, let's see.
- I want someone to take care of me, but once he/she does, I really do not like it. I do not know why. Like when I was in high school, whenever I got sick, I never told my parents. I did not want to be the center of everyone's attention. And I guess, I really don’t like being taken care of. I just like the feeling that someone cares for me. That’s all.
- I walk really fast because I don't want to be left behind.
- I want to study again but I don't know what to study.
- Karaoke is the reason why I go to team buildings and some parties.
- I am actually rude and not nice.