Time Forgets
I know it's not only you. Slowly, time will forget me, too. |

I was thinking about
forever
when you fin’lly
said,
’’It’s over.’’

Notes

”Why do you worry so much about what the others will think of you when they are so busy worrying about themselves, too?”

”Don’t say that…”

”But nobody thinks about anybody at all.”

”Maybe someone will. It’s sad when you know that nobody cares about you.”

”But truth— it really hurts. You can’t do anything about that.”

”I’ll just keep on worrying then…”

Notes
langit, isang salamin

Dito sa lugar na aking tinitirhan
mayroong mga batang natutulog sa lansangan
—walang kumot, ni walang unan,
pawang usok / busina lang ng mga sasakyan.

”Sa paggising at pagtulog nila,
makamtan ang pangarap ba’y
naiisip pa?”

Kung ang unang sasalubong
sa kanila’y nakakalunod
na tingin ng mga tao;
kung ang huling imahe
na magigisna’y bituing gano’n parin,
o ’kay layo.

Dito sa lugar na aking tinitirhan,
puno ng mga pangarap
na natunaw, naging abo;
puno ng mga alaala
— alaalang mas mabuting
kalimutan nalang;
puno ng mga pagkakataon
na nasayang, hindi mabalikan;
puno ng mga ngiti
—kung saan luha’y patuloy
na nagkukubli.

Dito sa lugar na aking tinitirhan
kung saan puno ng pagmamahalan
—nagbuo at patuloy na sumisira
sa sangkatauhan;

ito ang lugar ng pamamaalam.

Notes
a few questions I’ve failed to answer long time ago
  1. If you could keep only one memory, what would it be?
    when i was a child, my grandparents would have died for me that night; someone’s willing to die for me once upon a time
  2. What is the dream you live for?
    i used to dream but i’m afraid not anymore
  3. What is your biggest fear?
    i’m afraid that i’m not afraid because i know that at the end of the road, i’ll always find myself alone
  4. If you were given a plane ticket, to what country or place would you want it to take you?
    to a place that never was
  5. Why are you in Tumblr?
    tumblr knows how to wait
  6. What do you prefer, sun or moon?
    moon; she follows you, yet you always give her craters
  7. What is your favorite book? And why?
    i wrote this for you by iain thomas
  8. Have you ever fell in love with a stranger?
    he was once a stranger to me as i was once to him
  9. Do you think you’ve already found your soul mate in this point of your life?
    nobody knows
  10. What is your favorite band? Who among the members you like the most?
    loveholic, all of them
  11. Have you did something good to help others today?
    i was no good, as always
Notes

'You complain that you're always alone. But look, everyone's there, willing to be with you.

'I know.

'But you won't let them in.

'I know.

'Now you're pushing me away..

'I am.

'Why are you doing this?

'Because there's nothing in me. Nothing that will make you stay.

Notes
Notes

I am not scared of the future —
losing you and not having you there

scares the hell out of me.

Notes

nobody knows; trust nobody

Notes

just do it, live life. how? eat and then die.

Notes

It's not about the time. It's never about it. Time is just another thing too that I always take for granted. Except you. I never want you to be one of those things. You are more than important. You are more than enough. I know I almost gave up, but I didn't. I just can't, because I know darling you wouldn't fight.

Notes
Sintomas

i.

   Ilang segundo ring tumigil ang kanyang paghinga nang napunta siya sa ibang dimensiyon ng mundo—madilim, blanko at nakakatakot. Walang kasama—mag-isa. Kung paano siya napunta sa lugar na iyon ay hindi niya alam. Ang tanging naalala lang niya ay noong tumayo siya’t tinangkang iwan ang lahat ng problema, mga napakong pangako, at mga mapapait na alala na buhat-buhat niya sa matagal na panahon—ang abutin ang liwanag ng mundo, ngunit senaryo’y unti-unting lumalabo at ang oras ay unti-unting namatay. Nagising nalang siyang nakahilata sa mala-yelong sahig na tila ba ay hinigop na ang lahat sa kanyang kakarampot na enerhiya. Pinilit niyang bumangon upang ipagpatuloy ang sinimulan ngunit ang paligid niya’y tuluyan na atang gumuho kasama ang kanyang paa na marupok na at ang pusong niluma na ng panahon.

ii.

   Maingat niyang niyakap ang bawat hibla ng kinakalawang na niyang mga buhok na tila ba nag-uunahan sa pagpatak doon sa kawalan hanggang sa maubos ang natatangi niyang saplot.

iii.

   Walong oras narin siyang nakatulala sa larawan ng mundong sa kanya’y wala namang pakialam—sa mga tingin niyang unti-unti nang lumalabo patungo sa lugar na walang ibang laman kundi ang anino ng kawalan.

iv.

   Patuloy ang pag-abot ng nanginginig na niyang mga kamay na dulot ng kalamigan ng kanyang puso sa init na hatid ng pagmamahal mo. Ngunit pati pala  ikaw ay walang pakialam sa presensiya niyang unti-unti nang tinutunaw ng mundo.

v.

   Ikinulong niya ang kanyang sarili sa mga nota na bumubuo sa bawat himig ng musika ngunit pati pandinig niya’y binibigo na siya. 

vi.

   Wala siyang magagawa kung pati ang katapusan ay kumampi na sa simula.

vii.

   Uunahan ko nalang ang paalam.

viii.

   …

Notes

that same old withered scene
was the one I hold dear;
as tears fall in my eyes
i’ve forgotten the sound of the rain.

pero nasaan ka na?
ikaw ba’y tuluyan nang tumila?
nangako ka noon na hindi
magiging bula
pero ngayon, ni natitirang
alaala ko sayo’y iyong hinihila.

daig mo pa ang mga alon,
na patuloy na umiiwas
sa pagdampi sa aking pag-ibig.
daig mo pa ang mga hindi maipintang kahapon,
na tuluyan nang nilimot
ng isang ibong hindi na makalipad.

but i can’t do anything
and
it’s just sad when you can’t stop
something from disappearing.

it’s painful to see the rain coming
like how it’s painful to see it go away
because it reminds me
of how you came and chose not to stay.

just why can’t it be?
the sky is never
the same anymore
just why it has to be
the end of
you and me?

at ang kwento nati’y
hindi na muling nasundan.

Notes

I chose to be alone in a crowd. I imagine telling my friends about the movies I have watched, my thoughts about the stars and the world, my anger upon humanity, how coffee tells my heart to stop beating, when Naoko smiled with tears in her eyes, and everything else I have hidden inside for long — things that is not worth listening for most people. The reason why I chose to be alone. Maybe I expect too much and that makes me not hope anymore. Maybe I have given a lot it drained me — like a dead river that stopped waiting for the rain forever. I am like a desert, empty. Empty like a balloon people let go in the sky thinking it wants to be free but not realizing that it just wants to be held after all. Like a balloon who just gave up and it tries to make people push it away because it is nothing and will one day burst and will just end up destroying everybody. Maybe that is why I did not choose the crowd, they are too crowded. I do not fit in anymore. They let you talk but they do not listen. They cheer you up but in the end they are the one who let you down. They kill hearts. I kill hearts, too. We people kill each others’ hearts. Pain. That’s the way it should be. So we let each other go, like a child letting go of his balloon. Painful yet beautiful.

Notes
“Love isn’t her calming you down when you yell. It’s her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn’t her or him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable. It’s after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It’s not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it’s not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It’s her standing there, admitting she’s just as scared as you are.”
— Andrew Landon
Notes
Dear you,

It’s been a year, I guess, and I’m so glad to say that we made it through the good times and the bad times, through the ups and downs of our lives.

Darling, I know I’ve been so annoying or (should I say) moody to you for the past few moments, I realized it too, and I’m sorry but I shouldn’t be sorry. I’m happy that you stayed. Thank you (that should be it) so much. My weird attitudes, they were actually one of the reason why many people chose to leave.Thank you for being such a man to me.

We’ve been travelling a lot lately, right? Those precious memories are so important to me. They’re like immortal fireflies in a jar floating in the sky, so beautiful. They’re not going to die.

Your hidden efforts on helping/taking care of me, I noticed them. I really do appreciate it (it just don’t show). Thank you so much, dear.

Just so you know, you are truly beautiful. All your so-called flaws, to me—they’re not really flaws. Okay? You are my Zac Efron, well, way better than him.

It’s still a long and way too long, exciting, memorable journey. We still have tons and tons of movies in our lists, millions of books to discover, thousands of photographs to be taken, hundreds of places to visit, buckets of coins to be sacrificed on our swear jar, countless arguments and happy moments. And if ever we only have 2 seconds left together, we’ll make it and turn it to forever.

Notes
S